National Working Group on Worship
Theology & Discipleship
The Uniting Church in Australia
Worship Services PS - 1
A
service to follow the birth
of a
stillborn child,
or the
death of a newly-born child
i This pastoral service will
usually take place as soon as possible after the birth has occurred, though in
special circumstances some delay may be necessary. Preparation will normally
include appropriate pastoral conversation. The need for privacy and quiet
should be considered, but the most appropriate locale for the service is where
the death has occurred. It should be clearly understood that this is not a funeral
service and is necessarily brief. A quite separate funeral service will be held
in due course.
ii Those present for the service, in addition to the parents, may
include such people as: other family members as the parents desire, hospital
staff, and an elder of the local congregation.
iii The parents should have the opportunity wherever possible to help
prepare the child for the service, washing the child before dressing him/her,
perhaps using clothing they have especially chosen beforehand, and using a
special memento or cuddly toy purchased or given in anticipation of the birth.
The parents may be encouraged to hold the child while the service is being
conducted.
iv Where the family are related in some way to the church, this service
should normally be conducted by the minister of their congregation. lf a
chaplain has been involved in ministering to the family in hospital, it would
be appropriate for him/her to also share in the service in some way. Where it
is not possible for the minister to be present, a chaplain may take
responsibility for the service.
v It is recommended that the following book be read and used as a basic
resource by those involved in this ministry, and offered as a gift to bereaved
parents and their families:
Stillbirth and Newborn Death by Peter Barr and Deborah de Wilde,
Planet Press (1987). Available from: Royal Alexandra Hospital for Children,
Camperdown NSW 2050 or Roya1 North Shore Hospital, St Leonards NSW 2065.
A further recommended resource is Funeral Services and Resources 1993,
published under the imprint Broughton Books by E.J. Dwyer (Australia) Pty Ltd
and prepared by the Liturgical Commission of the Anglican Church of Australia,
pages 40-50.
For further reading:
When the Dream is Shattered, Judith and Michael Murray, Lutheran Publishing
House (1988).
Loss of a Baby, Margaret Nicol, Bantam Books (l989).
vi This service should be preceded by appropriate pastoral conversation
with the bereaved parents. This will enable the parents to be prepared for the
service and may provide helpful pastoral information that can be incorporated
into the service, especially at the point where extempore prayer is indicated.
From Funeral Services and Resources 1993, page 40, which refers
to a funeral liturgy, but is relevant to this service also:
"Every death involves loss,
shock and grief, but especially that of a child. When a baby dies near birth,
however, distinctive factors come into play.
These may need to be taken into account in pastoral care, including any
funeral liturgy. Such factors include the following:
(a) There may not have been time for
the distinct' character' of the baby to emerge, nor for memories to take form.
(b) There may be differences in the
parents' perceptions, which need to be ministered to appropriately.
(c) Medical technology may have
played a large part in trying to save or prolong the child's life. This may
have helped parents to come to know the baby from the beginnings of pregnancy.
Other parents may feel it has intruded into their relationship with the baby.
(d) Services such as these
are usually small in attendance, but powerfully intimate.
The text seeks to use intimate language, but without sensitivity such
intimacy is easily
damaged.
(e) The grief involved in
this pastoral situation is distinctive, in that such early death
seems
to run against the Christian notion that life is a good gift of
God, and given to
be used with joy.
The theological emphasis
which underlies this service has as a major component the
conviction that God
is intimately involved in and through the
pain of grief. The words
and actions of Jesus in receiving young infants as
members of the Kingdom of God
are highly
significant in this context."
vii Uniting Church practice, along with the practice of the church
catholic, clearly indicates that it is inappropriate to do anything in this
service which may suggest that it is a baptism. Therefore, water should not be
used at any point. It may be necessary to speak in something like the following
terms with parents who are requesting a baptismal service:
"It is not the practice of the Uniting Church to baptise in
situations such as this. God’s love for, and acceptance of, your child does not
depend on whether he / she is baptised. However, we do have a service which we
believe you may find meaningful and helpful."
viii This service may also be used in the event of an early
miscarriage, simply omitting Section 4, THE SIGN OF 'THE CROSS.
ix It may be appropriate for the parents to be given a memento with
readings and prayers from this service. A card is provided for this purpose,
and further copies may be purchased. The Appendix, which may be photocopied,
shows the format of this card. If a candle and flowers are used in the service,
they may also be given to the parents. (PLEASE NOTE: In hospital settings, a
candle may not be permitted. Always consult hospital staff first.)
THE SERVICE
Attention should be given to the creation of a worship space. For
example, a vase of flowers, cross and Bible may be provided. Where
circumstances permit, a candle may be lit.
N refers to the
name(s) of the child,
where he/she has been named. If no name has been given, the alternative may be used.
The
child may be held by the mother or father or other appropriate person.
We gather here in grief and pain.
In this moment there is no understanding,
only the emptiness of sorrow and loss.
N/This little child has died
during birth (or, even before he/she was born).
We are overwhelmed by the mystery of life and death
that we have experienced in him /her.
Yet we remember, in our confusion and distress,
that the eternal God is here,
the One whose love is seen in Jesus Christ.
On the cross, Jesus bears our pain.
Through the cross, God shares our pain.
offering comfort, peace and love.
We cry out to God:
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me
forever?
How long will you hide your face
from me?
How long must I bear pain in my
soul,
and have sorrow in my heart all day
long? Psalm 13:1-2
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from helping me,
from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer;
and by night, but find no rest.
Psalm 22:1-2
Some or all of the following verses may be read:
We hear again the promises of Cod:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning,
great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations
3:22-23
God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Psalm
46:1
Jesus said:
Come to me, all you that are weary
and are carrying heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest ...
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew
11:28-29
Who will separate us from the love of Christ?
Will hardship, or distress, or persecution,
or famine, or nakedness, or peril,
or sword?
No, in all these things we are more
than conquerors
through him who loved us.
For 1 am convinced that neither death,
nor life, nor angels, nor rulers,
nor things present, nor things to
come,
nor powers, nor height, nor depth,
nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the
love of God
in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35, 37-39
In this prayer, N and N refers to the names of the parents.
Where appropriate, the names of the other children in the
family may also be included.
Let us pray:
God of love,
we thank you for the assurance of your presence.
Help us to trust in the promises you have made.
Here extempore prayers may be offered.
Surround N and N, their family and friends,
with your love and grace.
Comfort them in their sorrow and fill them with your peace.
Strengthen their faith in you
and bless them with confidence and courage
to face the future,
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
4 THE SIGN OF THE CROSS
Here, N refers to the name of the child.
If there is no name, the alternatives may be used.
The minister places the sign of the cross on the child.
The parents may be given the opportunity, if desired,
to each share in placing the sign of the cross on their child.
During the prayer ("God of compassion ... ") it is appropriate for
the minister
to place a hand upon the child.
God says:
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.
Jeremiah 1:5
And we remember that Jesus welcomed little children,
took them in his arms and blessed them.
Luke 18:15-17
For N/ all, he lived.
For N/all, he died.
For N/ all, he rose again.
He has welcomed N / this child
into his eternal kingdom.
Therefore, as a mark of that love and grace,
we place on him/her the sign of the cross.
Let us pray:
God of compassion,
help us to believe that N/ this child,
a lamb of your flock, is in your gentle care
through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins
as we forgive those who sin against us.
Save us from the time of trial
and deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom, the
power, and the glory are yours
now and for ever. Amen.
6 BLESSING
The peace of God, which passes all understanding,
keep your hearts and minds
in the knowledge and love of God,
and of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord;
Based on Philippians 4:7
And the blessing of God almighty,
the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit,
be upon you and remain with you always.
Amen.
OR
The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious unto you;
the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26
As the service concludes, the parents may continue to hold the child, as may others invited to do so by them. There may be expressions of grief and farewells before the child is handed into the care of a member of the hospital staff or suitable person.
The English
translation of The Lord’s Prayer is that prepared by the English Language Liturgical
Commission (ELLC), 1988.
Scripture quotations
are from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright
1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches
of Christ in the U.S.A.
Acknowledgement
is made of the lines and phrases from Funeral Services and Resources, copyright
1993, The Anglican Church of Australia Trust Corporation, and published under
the imprint Broughton Books by E.J. Dwyer (Australia) Pty Ltd.
When
using this service please include the following acknowledgement:
Used with permission,
The Uniting Church in Australia, 1994
The material below may be copies to made a card to present to the parents after the service.
Love Never
Ceases
Name: ____________________________________________
Date of Birth: _________________
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning,
great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23
God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Psalm
46:I
Jesus said:
Come to me, all you that are weary
and are carrying heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest ...
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:28-29
God of love,
we thank you for the assurance of your presence.
Help us to trust in the promises you have made.
Surround all who grieve
with your love and grace.
Comfort them in their sorrow
and fill them with your peace.
Strengthen their faith in you
and bless them with confidence and courage
to face the future,
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.
God of compassion,
help us to believe
that our child,
a lamb of your f lock,
is in your gentle care
through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Readings and
prayers taken from A service to follow the birth of a stillborn child, or
the death of a newly-born child, copyright the Uniting Church in Australia
National Commission on Liturgy, 1994.